My Crippled Life-An American Idol Audition

It’s been a full year since I got a phone call from a casting producer for American idol. I was shocked. If you know me you know I have auditioned for every season of American idol since I was eligible to audition. I’ve made it through some producer auditions but I had never made it to the celebrity auditions. So while I was taking this phone call I was imagining how hard it would be to get my hopes up once more just to fail again…

I couldn’t give up. I had to try again. I accepted the audition and I anxiously prepared to sing in front of the EXECUTIVE producer judges! That’s a big deal, I was so excited to show them what I got. Low and be hold they loved me and I made it to the CELEBRITY judges! An even BIGGER deal! I couldn’t wait to sing for Katy Perry, Lionel Richie and Luke Bryan, this was it. I thought my entire life is finally going to change. All I’ve worked for and dreamt of in my very imaginative brain is finally coming to fruition!
The night before the big audition, me, my mother and my now fiancé, stayed in a hotel in Los Angeles near the audition venue. We were all so anxious, so excited, so wired we could not sleep that night. I remember looking at the clock about every hour until 6 AM when I had to get out of bed and start getting ready for one of the most important days of my life. The morning felt rushed my gut felt twisted and I was constantly nauseous, I curled my hair I did my make up the best I could put on my audition outfit looked in the mirror and said “you’re gonna kill it”.
The sun was not even up yet, and we were all lined up outside the venue to go in and have one of the most memorable days of our lives. I looked at everyone standing in line and I thought to myself “the next American Idol could be in this line”… Just the thought of that blew my mind. To think about Kelly Clarkson and her journey to fame, to think about Carrie Underwood, and Jennifer Hudson, and David Cook, and David Archuleta, and Adam Lambert, and Ruben Studdard… Just to name a few American Idol success stories. All of them went through this process. All of them were presented with NO’s, and fails. But this audition led them to where they are now, I know their names because of this audition. And now I was in the same boat.

One of my great qualities is I am able to make friends with most any people I’m surrounded by. And I did just that, this vibrant yellow haired rock star was standing in line in front of me, carrying her own amp on a dolly, in other words “hand truck”. I remember thinking “is this it, is this her? Will she be the next American Idol?“ I then looked behind me and a very handsome kind young man was there, and we started to chitchat and he told me about his girlfriend and how she was going to meet up at the audition with him to be his support woman. And again the thought crossed my mind, “is he the next American Idol?“ Anyone in this line could be it! And then it occurred to me that I could very well be the next American Idol.

We finally entered the venue and we took the elevator up one group at a time, and I have to mention the people behind the scenes are the kindest most comforting worker bees I had ever met. Once we got to the top of the venue where the auditions were held it was a 365° view of Los Angeles. It was one of the most magnificent rooms I’ve ever been in. Now, they call this the holding room, this is where all the magic happens on TV that you see, with all of us laughing and dancing and having the best time… We really did. Then you also see us stressed out and tired and exhausted because this is a long long day. I can’t lie to you, I was not stressed one bit. And I think I was one of the only people in that room who enjoyed the entirety of the day. Yes it was tiresome, and grueling, and long… But it’s everything I’ve ever wanted and I just imagined what the past American Idol‘s had gone through and this was one of them.
As the day trekked on and auditioners went in through those big white doors and either got the yeses of their life or the No’s of their life, I sat there in awe of my surroundings. Everyone singing, playing their instruments, bantering back-and-forth. It was such a unique experience that not a lot of people will be able to have in their lifetime. I tried my best to soak it all in. And with that being said there are also cameras filming everything, and it’s such a different side of the show. It’s different to be on that side that’s being filmed rather than sitting in front of my TV, watching this happen to strangers. This is a fond memory that I will always cherish. I truly had the time of my life during this experience.
The question I get from all of you very often is the moment I met the iconic and most wonderful human being, Ryan Secrest. I had the honor of meeting him off camera, and very much on accident. This is also one of my fondest memories of this day. I was coming back from the restroom, and a snack break. I had to be escorted by producers because they don’t want you wandering off or getting lost, I was so excited because I finally had snacks to bring back to my mom and boyfriend! Let me make a sidenote while I’m here, I must mention my wonderful support system, Robert and my mother were there with me the entirety of the day. They got to experience a different side of this journey, not as the Auditioner, but as the viewer. As the support team. It was a beautiful experience to have them beside me. OK, now back to Ryan Secrest, as I was coming back to the audition holding room there was a lift that I had to use to get me up to the floor we were on. Mind you, there are a bunch of people behind the scenes that are running around and doing things that I don’t even know, it’s such a busy job and I definitely give them a lot of credit for making this experience so wonderful. The lift was located in its own room kind of like a closet and I know my Cripple’s that are reading this will definitely know what I’m talking about when I say lift. Anyways I had an apple in my mouth and two bags of chips in my left hand and I drive my wheelchair with the right, one of the producers opens the door and Bam! There he is, Ryan Secrest himself. I literally dropped the apple out of my mouth into my lap and went “oh, hi you’re Ryan Seacrest.” And he replied with, “well yes I am, and who are you? Are you auditioning?“ He had the biggest smile on his face and truly seemed like he wanted to know my name and then he put his hand out to shake mine. I answered with “I am auditioning and I have wanted to meet you for so long, I am a big fan, you are so handsome!“ He was so cheerful and so thankful that I complemented him, he truly was the light during this very long grueling day.
As the hours went by and people were starting to either make it through to the next round, or were being sent home, I was doing a lot of interviews, filming a lot of things. And in that moment I realized, this really is what I am meant to do. Everything came very natural to me. I’m so thankful for that, because as a child you have this dream… And you don’t know where it really came from. Do you want to do this just because you want to be famous, or do you want to do this because you really are great at it. I really am great at it. I have a passion for telling my story, and I have a passion for, obviously, singing. So American Idol really was a dream come true, because I was able to sing, and I was able to share my story and spread positivity. And that’s my main goal in life.

It was finally nighttime, I was still in that room with the 365° view of Los Angeles, the sun was down I was tired but still so happy to be there, and they finally told me “Marna you are next“ this was it, I was going to enter a room filled with iconic celebrities, who have performed in front of millions of people, who have millions of fans, and I get them all to myself…I have to sell myself, I have to show them this is what I am meant to do.

I thought I was ready, I thought I was going to crush it. As soon as I entered that room my brain went blank. I forgot who I was. I genuinely don’t have much memory of being in that room. What I do remember… my body vibrating. Then Katy Perry asking me “what are you gonna be singing“ and I told her, Million Reasons by Lady Gaga. The piano started playing, and I just belted out the best I could in that moment. I’m not gonna lie, I’m letting you in on a little secret, I did not do my best in that audition. My body was numb, and you really do lose all control of your self confidence. But I did my best in that moment. And I will never regret it because in the end it got me my golden ticket!

What you guys saw on TV it was just a small increment of the criticism they provided me. Katy Perry had a lot to tell me and I took it to heart and I tried my best to hone my skills for Hollywood week. Lionel Richie really liked me as a person but I don’t think he enjoyed my audition as much as I know he could have if I had done my best. Luke Bryan was a sweet dude, he was all smiles and I think he was the first one to want me to go through to Hollywood. I remember they all stood up from the chairs, and held up the golden ticket. This is a moment I’ve dreamt of my entire life, honestly I remember being 12 years old watching American Idol and saying “I’m going to do that one day” and I really did. I succeeded at accomplishing a dream of mine. And I’m very proud of myself for that.

As I rolled out towards the big white doors, golden ticket in hand, Ryan Seacrest entered through the doors and he saw my excitement, and he saw my golden ticket and he honestly just fell to the floor in celebration. I could truly tell that he was proud of my victory! That was what made this experience even more grand. This man, who is a celebrity, really felt passion for my success. He really supported me in that moment! And as we exited the audition room and out to the cameras where my support team was, I was attacked with a big bear hug by my boyfriend. And my mom‘s disbelief when she saw my ticket was so wonderful! In that moment I knew I accomplished something more than just getting a golden ticket, I showed my mom and America these dreams will come true one day, I just have to work at them.

And that’s the story of my American Idol audition, in front of the celebrity judges. I just want to say here, I’m so thankful for all of you who tuned in, who supported me through the entire journey, and who became new friends and fans through this journey. Stay tuned for my next blog post about Hollywood week, it really is one for the books.

-Marna Michele