Lauren-Embracing My Life And My Disability

Hi I’m Lauren! I go by @laurennbrooks on Instagram, I’m 16 years old, and I have cerebral palsy. Cerebral palsy is such an umbrella term, and covers basically any injury of the brain in the womb. For me particularly, it affects both of my legs by making them stiff, and affects me very slightly in my arms. Because of that, it causes me to have a wobbly walk and to get tired really easily, which makes me need to use a walker and wheelchair to get around. 

Being a teenager is one of the hardest times for even a perfectly abled person. Being a disabled teenager? Even harder. There’s so much pressure to conform to be “normal” and be right in society’s eye. That’s hard enough for a normal teenager, but being disabled adds a whole other load to that. I’ll be honest, high school has been the absolute hardest time of my life for multiple reasons. 

Around 8th grade was when I started actually becoming more self aware about myself and my disability. My self consciousness started getting really bad around this time, and I remember wishing every night that I could somehow magically wake up normal the next day. I saw my disability as a massive imperfection, and swore I’d never like myself unless it magically disappeared. 

Freshman year was the worst year of my life, starting on my 14th birthday. The day after, I found out I needed major reconstructive surgery, because my hip was coming out of its socket, my leg was twisted, and other things. So while most freshman were worrying about boys, homework, and friends, I was dreading having the entire lower half of body changed. I missed out on almost all of the first semester of my freshman year, and the journey to get back to where I was before was even harder. 

My mental health dipped to an all time low around this time, and had me asking “Why is this happening to me?” almost every night. I sobbed when I finally stood up for the first time after, but I still had a ton of work to get back to walking. It took me a good 4 months to even begin walking again after, and to this day, I have never taken walking for granted ever again. 

I was just about back to normal by the time I hit sophomore year, but my self confidence was at an all time low. I just wanted to be “normal” and fit in. I wanted to hide my disability, and disappear into the crowd.  Looking back on it, my insecurity really was ridiculous at some points. What’s the point of blending in? Why fit in? Why did I want to change? Asking myself those three questions slowly made me realize how silly my insecurities could be. After all, what is the definition of “normal” anyway? 

Fast forward to today, and I’m in a better place. I actually transferred to a new school this year, which is helping me gain confidence in another aspect of my life, singing and music. I’m a little bit farther along in my journey to self acceptance, and I think it’ll only get better as life goes on. I’m still learning how to love myself and my disability, and DEFINITELY still have my moments as any teenager does, but I’m also proud of myself for getting through this far in life. I’m finally beginning to realize a fact that should’ve been obvious to me, my disability is not a flaw! It’s a part of me that makes me different, and different isn’t bad!